Friday, June 01, 2007

Stephen Harper's Canada: Associate States, Foreign Owners, and a Double-double of Greenhouse Gases

Before becoming prime minister, Stephen Harper dismissed Canada as a Second World country, with a socialist welfare state that he abominated. Famously, he advised his fellow Albertans to construct a firewall around their province to protect themselves from the contaminating winds that blew from Ottawa and Central Canada.

Harper doesn’t need a firewall anymore.

Even though he leads a minority government, Harper is well on the way to constructing his kind of Canada. It is made up of Associate States, the kind that should gladden Jacques Parizeau’s heart. To be fair Alberta’s quasi-secession was consummated with the onset of NAFTA in 1994, a deal which guarantees American access to Alberta petroleum even in the event of shortages in the rest of Canada. Lotus Land is another Associate State, as is Quebec. (Harper dreams of Mario Dumont’s Nouveau-Union Nationale winning the next Quebec election.) Finally there is the rump of Canada, consisting of the Associate State of Ontario, whose manufacturing sector is hemorrhaging. Saskatchewan, Manitoba and the Atlantic Provinces would prefer to stay in Canada if they could find it.

In Harper’s Canada, ersatz nationalism is served up at American owned Tim Horton’s. It is celebrated on Hockey Afternoon in Canada, as the American management of the NHL in New York schedules daytime games in a hopeless effort to sell Canada’s national sport to the sunbelt. Don Cherry, who once coached a team whose tactic was to keep the home ice so lousy that no one could skate on it, is heading back to the States to sell his version of roller-derby.

And Canada is for sale. Foreign takeovers are transferring tens of billions of dollars worth of Canadian industry to outside owners. Stelco, established decades ago to ensure a Canadian presence in the steel industry, may be the next to go. The Harper government is happy to sell Canada to Texas oilmen, Russian gangsters or the corporate front-men of the authoritarian Chinese state. God forbid that Ottawa do anything to keep crucial sectors in Canadian hands. Ironically, Harper doesn’t even mind government takeovers of Canadian industry, as long as the governments are foreign.

Let the whole country be bought, gutted and flipped.

Investors who hate the planet are rushing to expand petroleum output from the oil sands. The rest of us are buying new light-bulbs while the emission clouds from the oil patch mushroom. Albertans are getting almost nothing in royalties for their oil as northern Alberta is reduced to a moonscape. And everyone knows that the Bush administration and Steve “Big Oil” Harper will talk about the global environmental crisis and do nothing.

On Hockey Afternoon in the Associated States, you can watch the tough new Canadian military recruiting young men and women who need a job. Who said anything about peacekeeping?

Ball hockey in Kandahar, followed with a double-double. That’s Canada.


Anonymous said...

Harper calls Atlantic Canadians "a culture of defeat" then he sends our region's youth to die in Afghanistan. To date, 40% of Canadian casualties have been Atlantic Canadians (7% of the total population.)

We implore Canada to stop this!

Anonymous said...

HArper calls Atlantic Canada "a culture of defeat" then he sends our region's youth to die in Afghanistan. To date, 40% of Canadian casualties have been Atlantic Canadians (Atlantic Canadians make up 7% of the population of Canada.)

We implore the rest of Canada to stop this!

Anonymous said...

Where is the rest of Canada on these issues?

Our entire Atlantic region is being sold to the USA in a package called Atlantica (

Nova Scotia has three open Senate seats which Harper refuses to fill.

He pretends that Canada is doing its part in Afghanistan when really he is sending troops from Atlantic Canada to die.

40% casualties Atlantic Canadians
17% casualties Western Canada
3% Quebec

And he has essentially cancelled the Atlantic Accord.

Does anyone in this country called Canada care anymore?

Anonymous said...

Now, Canada's PM has criticized Putin -- so we also want to re-open the Cold War!

This is very, very sad!

We need to stop this guy!

Anonymous said...

someones gotta step up against Putin...Russia is sorta in the shadows of the United States, but is one of the most powerful countries in the world. The western World and europe better wake up and challeneg this giant before she wakes up and does some great harm in the good for Harper

Andrew said...

These comments here are ridiculous! To mention peacekeeping let's remember that Canada's military doctrine has never really focused on it. As per the 1994 Defence White Paper, Canada's military is to remain a COMBAT CAPABLE armed force. Our mission in Afghanistan is part of Canada's 3 pillars of defence
- defending Canada and Canadians at home and abroad
- defending North America in cooperation with the US
- contributing to international peace and security

Harper is a brilliant man who understands the military, the economy and the benefits of a decentralized federal system. To the sluggish socialist puppets in central Canada, for shame!

LONG LIVE HARPER and end the socialist tradition in this country along with the top heavy centralized government.

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this post, especially the “examples in this post” portion which made it really easy for me to SEE what you were talking about without even having to leave the article. Thanks